My daughter and I have some of the best talks in the morning together. I imagine one day those talks will be over coffee, long distance, and over the phone. I treasure these moments with her because I know we are discussing some of the most important matters of her heart and I’m thankful she chose me to share them with.
A lot of our heart to hearts have been about friendship lately. It’s a hard topic for me to talk with her about. To be honest, I know I don’t have the best fruit on the tree in this area, but I do know from my life experiences being a not so great friend, that I can help her be better. I’m also thankful for the awesome friends I have in my life to use as an example for her.
My daughter tends to be a lot like me. Go figure. It always seems to be the personality traits of mine that I wish would’ve skipped her. She tends to be a little shy and reserved unless she’s in her own environment and around people she knows. When she’s not comfortable, she’s very quiet and leaves herself unapproachable. This doesn’t make it very easy to make friends.
After church today, she mentioned that she just doesn’t have friends at church like I do. She sees me talk to my one friend all the time and she really doesn’t understand why she doesn’t have that. Usually her sisters are in class with her so she’s comfortable and doesn’t have to worry about making friends. Today was a rare occurrence where she was the only kid home and had to go to class by herself. She longs for friends and for everyone to like her, but it’s hard for her to approach others. She wonders why the other kids don’t want to be her friend. She’s expecting all the effort coming from the other person.
Before she spiraled off on a tangent and started feeling bad about herself, I had to intercede. I stopped her and reminded her that if she wants a friend, she has to be a friend. It’s as simple as that. People aren’t always going to go out of their way to smile or befriend you. Others may be just as shy as you are. You have to be friendly to other people to make them want to seek interest in befriending you. If you want something, you have to make it happen. Sometimes you have to be willing to step outside of your comfort zone.
It was one of those profound moments for her. The lightbulb turned on. The thing is, that word wasn’t just for her. It was for me and many of you reading this today. We have a choice to be lonely and depressed. We can feel left out and wondering why we don’t fit in. We also have a choice to go out and be a friend. To seek out someone else in need of a friend.
Sometimes being a friend is just showing up. Maybe it’s that lunch date you set or a last minute shopping trip. Maybe it’s to sit in the waiting room at that unexpected doctors visit. It could be that call or text after you’ve already put your phone on the charger. That gentle knock on the door after you laid down for the night. Just being there for someone in their time of need can be all it takes to be a friend. Your presence or words of encouragement is all they need. Don’t be afraid to step outside of yourself. Even when you don’t feel like it.
We were created for relationship. Not just with eachother, but with God. When we feel like we have no one else in the world, He is always here. He is our friend not just in time of need, but in all things. We need Him and we need eachother. We can’t get through this life on our own.
My daughter and I also talked about great qualities that friends have. Loyalty and honesty are very important. Also being kind and generous to one another. Telling each other the truth and never gossiping. Practicing forgiveness and always unconditional love.
My daughter’s most cherished friend also has similar values and is helping her grow into a better friend this school year. It’s been a struggle being separated from all of her close friends and having to make new ones. I’m very proud of her and how wise she is becoming. I know that she will have strong friendships because she loves so deeply and truly cares about others.
I love how God uses my kids to speak to me. I know I’m not the greatest friend, but I am working on becoming better. That’s all we can do. Become better.
Stephanie
Joy for the Soul 